Stay at home Mom?

When Norman was first born Norm and I were both in school full time, working part time and had to learn how to juggle life. Since then, Norm jr. has always had some type of outside entertainment during the day to get all of his wiggles out. So now that we are living some what of a nomadic lifestyle and scraping every penny from our student loan budget, it has made more sense for him to just stay at home with me. All day, everyday.

I'm the type of person who likes a schedule. Likes to feel when I wake up in the morning I have a "purpose". Reason to brush my hair, reason to take a shower, look like someone who can function in the world. My mornings now are much different. Honestly, I'm lucky if I can shower alone most days.

Call me selfish, call me a bad mom, but I enjoy a little "me" time. My only "me" time I'm getting these days is when Norm luckily gets home from the hospital early enough so I can go to the local laundromat and wash our clothes. There I sit with my coke and snickers bar and escape. Sad, lame, depressing, I know. But true.

I think in a world full of posh designer blogs, uploading pictures and status updates to the world of facebook, "reality" tv shows, I somehow get lost in someone else s life. I fall victim all the time. I spend hours looking at peoples blogs and see what they did with there kids last week and admire what they are teaching their children this week, and they made this and did that, and oooh look at her cute clothes. I begin to question my own self as a mother. Am I doing enough? Am I giving them the best?

Over the last few days I started noticing a trend with my sweet little Normie. A snide remark during lunch, ultimately led to another and then another at dinner. Wanting to be on the ipod, the computer, or tv all day rather than play with a room full of toys or use his imagination got me thinking. I went to school for 4 years to be a teacher, taught a year at an elementary school and loved it, but for some reason found no desire to teach my own son. How did this come to be? I think I've been in a little bit of a funk since moving to New Jersey. Life is not easy here. We are down one car which leaves me car less and pretty much confined to my house with a newborn and very energetic four year old all day. We have enough money to pay our very few modest bills and that's it. Nothing let for fun. Nothing left for even a couch to sit on. But that is our life right now and we'll survive.

I started to reflect on my life and found a quote from one of my favorite men.

"You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done?" 
 I was then reminded of this little gem of a video and it gave me hope. An excitement for tomorrow with my little ones.

I was reading a friends blog the other day and it reminded me to live in the moment. This moment. Be happy for today and the memories we're making on this journey together as a family. She said it much more beautifully than I ever could. " We have a lot of love in this house. We are healthy, we are fed, we are safe, we are so blessed. We have big dreams and every reason to believe that they'll come to fruition. I'm realizing that my happiness is not my surroundings. It's not my house, my friends, that adorable outfit from Anthro, it's not my skin, my hair, our bank account or our successes. I am taking moments throughout the day to mute the inner commentary, take a deep breath and thank the Lord for my life."

With that said, we've all been learning how to have a little balance in our lives. Norman is allowed to have some time to play those games that he desperately longs to play so I can just have a second or two. I'm realizing it's okay if Claire cries. She's not the first baby to ever have a tear run down her cheek. And those things are normal. It doesn't make me a bad mom.

Whew! There it is folks. My soap box for the day. 

And what's a post without a picture of the little ones.